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priorities

December 10th, 2019 at 02:49 pm

The holidays are upon us and once again the hassle will start i should just jump right in.

I cancelled Christmas one year, i had zero help was working OT in retail and DH thought i should be able to do it all NOPE. I know he was mad and continues to remind me of that fateful year. This year our kids are grown they have different lifestyles and interests and do not need Stuff just because. I want to honor that wish and no longer give gifts out of obligation......... but as always.... DH will wait until last second and ask what did you get for x/ y or z??????
I tried to get ahead of the issue by saying do you want more knick knacks we don't need? ... well neither do they. it is not sinking in his thick skull.

I told him i am not sure we should even buy anything but a small item for grandkids as their other side of family ( dollar store type) fills their house with tons of garbage toys that they play with a few times and forget or break.
In the last year etc we just added money to a fund we started for them but once again DH is off on a buy garbage bonanza. He seems dismayed that some items are backorder and will not be available until january.....DUH it is midway in December.

This along with the fact we have personal business to take care of by end of year but he seems to think we have lots of time is driving me insane.

I get so much stress i just shut down. last week DH bought dinner on way home and only wanted a sandwich one night so in this weeks grocery i bought bare minimum ..... I buy with a meal plan in mind (yes it is communicated) but lately he is getting home earlier then me and (who knows why he has not done this in months) starts cooking something entirely different then the plan. throws off all my ingredients especially fresh items that do NOT last until next week. I have cut way back on produce because of this tired of throwing money away.
I have come to the point where i want to act like roommates buy your own food and leave me out of it.

This is the one time of year he simply does not stay with plans or evidently pays zero attention.

Last minute appease him BS costs me every year and simply put i do not have the extra as the company i am temping with shuts down for 10 days from Christmas to past new years and i will not have a check.
Maybe i just need to vent or maybe i need suggestions on dealing with the holiday disconnect.





4 Responses to “priorities”

  1. creditcardfree Says:

    From my minimal peek into your world, it definitely sounds like a difference of what you each want to do for gifts. If he wants the gifts, let him go buy them with his check, it sounds like you have separate finances. It should not be on you to buy gifts that he wants to give.

    Talking through it to the point you both see where the other is coming from AND can find a resolution you both can live with is the goal. I doesn't sound like you have ever reached that point of understanding.

  2. Butterscotch Says:

    Yikes. I’m sorry your relationship with your husband is so miserable. It’s sounds like you’re just as unhappy at home as you are at your job. I hope 2020 can bring you some happiness.

  3. Smallsteps Says:

    I feel better this evening i was just furious this morning as i was left dirty dishes from his cooking. I wash all my own pots and pans when i cook. Our finances are not exactly separate we have the joint account that his check goes in and i have all my money in my own accounts.
    It REALLY is not about the money but the idea that we must buy something.... we don't.....( no one is keeping score) all the kids do not want stuff just because.
    I am using all my money for retirement and prepayment of house/ savings and if i need to use more of my funds because he splurges with the joint acct it annoys me.
    Most of the being miserable at home is BECAUSE i am so miserable at work this is soul sucking and making it hard to put on a happy face in my personal life. I really hope to be out in January.

  4. GoodLiving Says:

    Sounds like a rough time of year for you and maybe for him too...if all of a sudden he's doing things that he hasn't done for months. Perhaps he thinks Santa is watching him?

    I hope you find your peace in January.

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