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dealing with the upcoming stress

November 17th, 2018 at 07:24 am

This year I am hoping to avoid most stress that starts after Halloween and often goes into January.

I used to think how hard would it be to have a death etc to ruin a holiday. Last year I FOUND out.

After many days of lingering after taken off life support my mother passed on Black Friday. My thanksgiving was alone in a cafeteria of a hospital. Thankfully they did a great job for those who were either working or in the hospital.

This year all the grown kids have their own plans, we are on our own. i hoped to not cook but DH received a free turkey from his job so I think he want me to cook. last year he was at home with deli fried chicken while I was waiting in hospital in another city.

I just want to forget Thanksgiving for at least a few years. then come holidays I feel more obligated then excited about gifts etc. my kids are grown and really do not need/ want much so it becomes a chore to find stuff and I always want to get things that will be used as opposed to stuff to clutter their world.

During this is year end in my job which seems to be a big issue (I have only been here since august). They expect us to put tons of OT in for this and i am not sure how well I can operate with no time/ no ideas and simply no joy this year. OT is just not worth it when I am falling into this depression.
A radio station has already started the Christmas music had to drop it off my presets in car until it is over.

7 Responses to “dealing with the upcoming stress”

  1. creditcardfree Says:

    My heart goes out to you. Holiday's can be very stressful. I hope you can give yourself some grace and keep any holiday activities simple enough to have meaning. Have you considered one gift for your kids, specifically one thing you can buy multiple of and give to each of them? My sister's husband's grandparents would give all the grown couples in the family the same gift. Some of the gifts were coolers, welcome mat, St Francis statue, and electric toothbrushes.

  2. Wife of the Deacon Says:


    I'm sorry too. My grandmother passed away last month (I will say again that my grandparents were like my parents) and it is hard to even walk by the Thanksgiving cards because I'd always send her one when we weren't together. I imagine that Christmas will be very hard too. Maybe you can make some new traditions that aren't exactly holiday related. (hugs)

  3. CB in the City Says:

    Smallsteps, I hear you. My mother passed away on Christmas Day (years ago) and I was at her bedside. I spent the day making funeral arrangements and calling my family, who were all at various Christmas celebrations. It didn't seem like Christmas. It seemed like a day removed from time. And if that wasn't enough, my brother died on New Year's Day, and my dog died on Thanksgiving! Different years. But I still love the season, just in a different way. It helps to let the commercialism of the season just kind of drift over you, and concentrate on the spirit of Christmas -- the goodwill, brotherhood, hope and optimism. It can be a healing time if you look for the good.

  4. Smallsteps Says:

    Thanks for your responses I am hoping writing this would ease it a bit.

    creditcardfree= maybe a one gift for all is the answer I can think about.

    wife= sorry for your loss. I am finding this year much harder then last, maybe it was just too new then. I hope you do not have the same experience next year.


    CB= thank you for putting things into perspective. The fact you can even like this season is a good sign that this too will pass

  5. LuckyRobin Says:

    Put the turkey in the freezer and go out. Tell your husband it is just too much emotionally this year. We lost my FIL a couple weeks before Thanksgiving last year. That was hard for me because it was always him and me in the kitchen doing most of the cooking. FIL and I were very close and he filled a lot of the gap after my own dad had died several years ago. I kind of feel like I am cooking in his honor this year, but totally understand if you don't want to do it right now.

  6. Elitaylor646 Says:

    Growing up, we had three deaths within a year and a half. Two around holidays. It was tough. Thanksgiving the worst with my Granny dying a few days of it and her birthday. We ended up foregoing traditional Thanksgiving for several years. Even now, decade and a half-ish later, we would rather have a day of movies and appetizers than do traditional Thanksgiving. No travel. No extended family. No drama. No extra work. Just relax and be. You will find your rhythm again. Just give it time. And allow yourself to not be "normal" this year (or next if need be). You don't have to do what you did before or what others want you to do. Sending love.

  7. rob62521 Says:

    I'm so sorry. The pain is intense and especially on a holiday. May I offer a couple of suggestions...

    First of all, don't fix the turkey on Thanksgiving. Either go out or treat it as any other day and fix whatever you would fix. I found the first round of holidays without my dad and then my mom were the hardest. You have to learn a new normal.

    Second, as far as Christmas presents, ask your kids if there is something they would rather have than something you buy to clutter the house. Maybe there is an experience all of you can enjoy. I think the media and advertisers have tried to brain wash us into thinking we have to find the perfect gift and we stress over it immensely.

    Third, be nice to yourself. You are a kind person and you've suffered a major loss and the wound is still there which is magnified by it happening on a holiday. Prayers for you as you deal with this.

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